I had met up with my friend, Lanie, for dinner and drinks. We had been discussing our lives, our hopes, our dreams {insert girlish sighing}, etc. when Lanie suggested we visit a psychic.
After the first round of drinks, the idea of visiting a psychic was funny. After the second round of drinks, it seemed legit. After the fifth round of drinks {don’t judge us!} it seemed like THE MOST FANTASTIC IDEA OF ALL TIME!
I could’ve sworn someone told me of a psychic that operated out of an old house a few blocks up the street from our restaurant. It must be kismet! We stumbled our way up Main Street until I saw a house that looked “psychic-y”.
Me: “THIS is it!” {Strolling confidently toward front door}
Lanie: {Strolling slightly less confidently} “Are you sure?”
Me: “Yeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssss” {(eye roll) Begin to open door}
Lanie: “WAIT! Shouldn’t we knock first?”
Me: “NO! It’s a business! Since when do you knock on a shop door? Come on, will you! I need to get my tarot on!” {Stumble ever so slightly on first porch step; catch myself; hear Lanie make an uncertain noise}
{I open front door and see a large group of men. Suddenly, a collie puppy comes running up to me, tail wagging}
Me: “PUPPY!!!!!” {Immediately fall to knees and begin petting puppy’s tummy}
Lanie: {Holding door open, but remains standing on porch} “Um…” {nudging my shoulder}
Me: {Am now sprawled out on entrance floor, fully engrossed in puppy cuddles, beside myself with joy. Only slightly aware of the line of men waiting to see the psychic}
Lanie: {Begins tugging on my shoulder; whispers} “Are you suuure this is a psychic?”
Me: “YES! Obviously!!” {Look up at group of men who are in process of seating themselves around a table} “This is the psychic’s house, right?”
Head Guy: “What?”
Me: {Exasperated sigh} The psychic. {Duh!} She lives here, right?
Lanie: {Lets door slowly shut on me and begins walking back down sidewalk}
Head Guy: “Noooo. This is my house. {He pauses, but when I don’t move he continues speaking} I live here.
Me: {blink}
Head Guy: “I…there is no psychic here. I think you and your friend have the wrong house?”
Me: {Continue on floor with a puppy on my lap trying to make sense of what this ridiculous man is saying.}
Lanie: {Grabs me by my shirt and drags me out of the house}
It was only after I had left the house that I realized we had crashed that guy’s poker night. There was no psychic on the premise. I had simply gotten the address wrong.
In my defense… he had a creepy house!
Awkward Charm 