Cat Got Your…Shirt?

28 Feb

To say I was a late bloomer is an understatement.  I didn’t really have a way with men, what with the awkwardness and all.  The braces and thick glasses didn’t help much either {ehem}

Moving on…

Those who have read about the incident with the Most Beautiful Man Known to Human Kind would argue that my awkwardness around men continues.  And I wouldn’t dispute that.  But I will say I’ve gotten better.

Sophomore year of college I was living with my friend, Claudia. I’m not saying she was a Femme Fatale, but she had some game, which was more than I could say for myself. 

I had a crush on our next-door neighbors, Ken Doll & Beagle Boy.  I wasn’t picky about which one I dated; either would do! But I couldn’t figure out how to get them to talk to me.

After months of unsuccessful attempts to engage them in conversation, I looked to Claudia for help.  It took 20 minutes of begging and giving the sad puppy eyes, but she caved.  Her plan was to invite them to our friend’s block party up the street.

“Great plan”, I thought.  “Now go invite them! I’ll wait here.”

It turns out the second half of the plan was for ME to invite them. {panic mode initiated}.  Claudia coached me on what to say so that I could come across casual and cool (as was possible for me, anyway). 

Me: {>knock, knock< attempt to run away several times. Claudia grabs my arm to keep me in place.}

surprised womanKen Doll: {Opens door without a shirt on} “Hey guys!”

Me: {Jaw drops to floor.  Claudia hasn’t prepared me for this!}

Claudia: {Smiles. Gives me a not-so-subtle nudge}

Ken Doll: “What’s up?”

Me: {Continue staring open-mouthed; drool dribbles down my face}

Claudia: {Speak. SPEEEEEEEEEAK!}

Me: {Help me. I’m dying here}

Claudia: {Either picks up on my telepathic plea or could no longer stand the awkwardness} “Hey! We were just wondering if you guys wanted to come with us to our friend’s party.  He’s just up the street.  Lots of folks from our division are going.”

Me: {Fervently nod head in the affirmative.}

Ken Doll: Cool! {looks down at my bobble-like head} But, um, I’ve got a test tomorrow so I should probably study.

Me: {Fervently nod head in the negative.}

Claudia: “What about your roommate?”

 Ken Doll: “He’s not home” {see Beagle Boy walk into the kitchen, oblivious to us in doorway}. Have a good night!

As soon as the door slammed shut in my face I regained the ability to speak as if by magic.  “I’m sooooo sorry, Clau! I just… he… NAKED!”

She puts her arm around my shoulders and says, “Well, I couldn’t get you the guy but how about a Dairy Queen milkshake instead?”

Dairy Queen:  Making the awkward feel better since 1940.


9 Responses to “Cat Got Your…Shirt?”

  1. Shannon February 28, 2014 at 3:56 pm #

    Good times…good times 🙂 I still want our backup plan of adopting the Dairy Queen Grandpa and Grandma so we could get milkshakes and blizzards for life! 🙂

    • awkwardcharm February 28, 2014 at 4:01 pm #

      Great times! Awww I miss our Dairy Queen grandparents 🙂

  2. datinginvegas March 1, 2014 at 3:59 am #

    VERY funny!

    • awkwardcharm March 1, 2014 at 8:10 am #

      Thank you! And also a VERY not cool way to date 😉

  3. hacken2013 March 1, 2014 at 4:17 pm #

    Sounds like the DQ was the better prize anyway! lol

  4. The Savvy Senorita March 2, 2014 at 1:23 pm #

    Thanks for sharing such a great post!!! I enjoyed reading every sentence 🙂

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