I See Awkwardness In Your Future

3 Jan

I had met up with my friend, Lanie, for dinner and drinks.  We had been discussing our lives, our hopes, our dreams {insert girlish sighing}, etc. when Lanie suggested we visit a psychic.

fool

After the first round of drinks, the idea of visiting a psychic was funny.  After the second round of drinks, it seemed legit.  After the fifth round of drinks {don’t judge us!} it seemed like THE MOST FANTASTIC IDEA OF ALL TIME!

I could’ve sworn someone told me of a psychic that operated out of an old house a few blocks up the street from our restaurant.  It must be kismet!  We stumbled our way up Main Street until I saw a house that looked “psychic-y”.

Me: “THIS is it!” {Strolling confidently toward front door}

Lanie: {Strolling slightly less confidently} “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssss” {(eye roll) Begin to open door}

Lanie: “WAIT! Shouldn’t we knock first?”

Me: “NO! It’s a business! Since when do you knock on a shop door? Come on, will you! I need to get my tarot on!” {Stumble ever so slightly on first porch step; catch myself; hear Lanie make an uncertain noise}

{I open front door and see a large group of men.  Suddenly, a collie puppy comes running up to me, tail wagging}

Me: “PUPPY!!!!!” {Immediately fall to knees and begin petting puppy’s tummy}

Lanie: {Holding door open, but remains standing on porch} “Um…” {nudging my shoulder}

Me: {Am now sprawled out on entrance floor, fully engrossed in puppy cuddles, beside myself with joy.  Only slightly aware of the line of men waiting to see the psychic}

Lanie: {Begins tugging on my shoulder; whispers} “Are you suuure this is a psychic?”

Me: “YES! Obviously!!” {Look up at group of men who are in process of seating themselves around a table} “This is the psychic’s house, right?”

Head Guy: “What?”

Me: {Exasperated sigh} The psychic. {Duh!}  She lives here, right?

Lanie: {Lets door slowly shut on me and begins walking back down sidewalk}

Head Guy: “Noooo. This is my house. {He pauses, but when I don’t move he continues speaking} I live here.

Me: {blink}

Head Guy: “I…there is no psychic here. I think you and your friend have the wrong house?”

Me:  {Continue on floor with a puppy on my lap trying to make sense of what this ridiculous man is saying.}

Lanie: {Grabs me by my shirt and drags me out of the house}

It was only after I had left the house that I realized we had crashed that guy’s poker night.  There was no psychic on the premise.  I had simply gotten the address wrong.

In my defense… he had a creepy house!

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4 Responses to “I See Awkwardness In Your Future”

  1. Kitt Crescendo January 3, 2014 at 6:49 pm #

    My mother would say, “See? That’s what you get for going to see a psychic.” Hey, she still remembers what happened in the old testament when King Saul decided to consult a psychic. Personally, they just creep me out. Hilarious, though. (We once had a neighbor from downstairs walk into our house in the middle of a dinner party. He was pretty embarrassed, too. We were just surprised…then entertained.)

    • awkwardcharm January 3, 2014 at 7:14 pm #

      I am not leery of seeing a psychic but I AM now a teensy bit hesitant of walking into a stranger’s home. 🙂

      I had a similar incident happen to me, but that story is still in the works.

  2. saramo January 4, 2014 at 7:47 am #

    You are lucky, that those guys just want to play poker …. … Sooo, did you ever find out where the psychic was ?????? ……… I guess not :):):)

    • awkwardcharm January 6, 2014 at 7:32 pm #

      You’re right! We were very lucky we walked into a house with shocked, but decent, guys

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