I was taking a shower this morning, like I sometimes do. {cough} As I was about to rinse out my hair, I realized that my shower comb was on the vanity. Any woman with more than 3 inches of hair knows that if you don’t want tangles, you need a shower comb! You just DO.
Instead of going through the hassle of turning off the water, patting dry and retrieving the comb, I slid the shower door open just enough to allow my teensy body through without getting water everywhere.
With one foot in the shower and the other on the rug, I reached out and grabbed the comb.
I guess I miscalculated my body mass, because on the way back the shower door somehow got lodged between my butt cheeks!!
I turned sharply right and then left. The glass door shook with a vengeance and sounded as if it was about to shatter, but remained wedged in place.
Get out of there, door!
{Images of glass shards in my vulnerable bits; paramedics making a daring, yet awkward, rescue; a medical team harassing me with embarrassing questions}
“How exactly does one get a shower door stuck in their butt crack?”
“Why didn’t you slide the door open more?”
“She must’ve thought she was “teensy” [shut up, imaginary doctor! I am too, teensy].
As the panic set in further, I became dizzy.
Not only was I naked, stuck in an awkward position and too terrified to move, I was also on the verge of passing out. Fantastic…
Luckily, I recuperated my wits and moved my hips forward (instead of in a panicky side-to-side motion – duh!) thereby dislodging the intrusive glass door.
If my life were a movie, Juvenile’s “Back That Thang Up” would’ve started playing in the background.
Girl, you looks good, won’t you back that thang up
You’se a big fine woman, won’t you back that thang up
Call me Big Daddy when you back that thang up
Girl, who is you playin wit? Back that thang up
Awkward Charm 