Tag Archives: awkward kiss

My Awkward First Date

8 Oct

firstdate2My very first, official, first date would not come until I was 17 years old. Since I had a reputation of being…how can I put this… socially awkward, I didn’t get asked out on dates often. Or ever, really.

One day I met a boy from another school at a party who was not aware of my social status and for whatever reason interpreted my awkwardness as wit and asked me out. We were going to meet up at a restaurant that was equidistant to both our houses because I am nothing if not practical.

This was it! My very first, official, first date!

I was so excited, I showed up 30 minutes early. He was 15 minutes late. Which means I stood there next to the hostess stand for 45 minutes looking pathetic, flopped in nervous sweats, and too scared to get a table in case he never showed up and I’d have to explain to the waitress that I was stood up on my very first, official, first date.

To my younger readers, keep in mind that I began dating during a time before everyone owned a cell phone. I technically had one but it was huge and clunky and intended only for emergencies. It had honestly never even occurred to me to use it in this situation.

When First Date finally showed up, I was so relieved that I threw my arms around him and dragged him to the hostess stand with a smug look that said, “See, I told you I was waiting for someone!”

He, on the other hand, did not look quite so smug.

As luck would have it, one of my classmates was our waitress. On the one hand I was relieved because she was this super sweet girl who helped to settle my very first, official, first date jitters. On the other hand, she was gorgeous and I wanted her to go far, far away.

During the date the conversation flowed naturally, although I did notice that his end of the conversation flowed a lot more naturally every time my classmate would come over to check on our meal. Since I had introduced her as a friend of mine, I had convinced myself that he was just being nice to her for my sake.

However, this was just the first of many excuses I would invent to make up for the bad behavior of the men I dated, because it is a well known fact that awkward people do not know how to “read” situations very well – hence our tendency toward being awkward.

First Date continued to be very charming toward my classmate, polite to me, and eventually paid for dinner. What a gentleman, or so I thought.

As First Date walked me back to my car I was getting a little nervous. What should I do? Do I kiss him? Hug him? Throw him in the backseat? He broke the silence by asking if I could give him my classmate’s number.

Wait, what?

When I said “NO!” he had the audacity to ask why not. I wish I could say that I gave an articulate, well-thought out, and rousing retort. Instead I shrugged and mumbled “Um, ‘cause…”.

For whatever reason, he took my awkward, flustered state as an invitation to try and kiss me. I pushed him away and stumbled back so quickly that I slammed into my car.

He looked wounded and sniveled something about really liking me. Yeah… really liking my choice in hot friends, maybe! Thank you, First Date, for setting me up for a life-time of horrifically awkward dates.

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There’s Something Fishy Here…

6 Mar

Most women will at some point in their lives feel pressure to get married and settled down.  For most, that pressure may begin between the ages of 25-35.  But when your abuela (grandmother) is from Argentina the pressure starts the day you get your first period.

My parents were pretty successful at holding her off, but by the time I got to High School she wasn’t playing around anymore.  It didn’t help matters that I was a late bloomer. Here I was 15 years old and still no marriage prospects – disgraceful. This confounded my abuela who saw me as the world’s most beautifully perfect specimen.

Unfortunately the rest of the world saw me as an awkward girl with frizzy hair and glasses.

One of my favorite things to do when visiting her in Argentina was making the rounds to all the different shops (vegetable vendor, chicken vendor, etc.) It was the best way to get all of the neighborhood gossip.  I liked going to the fish vendor the best because he had a super hot nephew who was coveted by all the girls in the neighborhood.pescaderia1

My one saving grace was that his uncle adored me because I was from the United States (those other girls couldn’t say that! Boo-ya).

In Argentina, it is customary to greet someone you know with a kiss on the cheek.  My Abuela, who was in cahoots with the fish vendor, had felt that enough time had gone by that I should start greeting the nephew like a proper Argentinean.

On his uncle’s order, the nephew calmly walked around the counter to greet me, but being that I am shy and awkward I just sort of stood there for a minute, blushing and fighting back the panic that usually accompanies any situation involving a guy.

I managed to pull myself together and was about to take a step forward and pucker up when my abuela, frustrated that this was all taking too long, shoved me as hard as she could in the direction of the nephew, thereby flinging my tiny frame toward him.

hug2I would’ve landed a few inches in front of him and we could’ve just laughed it off.

Instead he stepped forward to catch me and my foot landed on his slippery rubber boot, sending me sliding down so that I kissed his chin and then hung in his arms with my face pressed against his rubber apron covered in fish guts.

I honestly don’t know how he was able to fight the urge to take me right then and there!