Je Suis Awkward

16 Dec


A few months ago I had seen a house in my old neighborhood had been converted into a business, with a sign that read only “café”.  It looked incredibly busy from the outside, which made me wonder if it was a coffee shop or a restaurant.  Too scared to go in alone and look a fool when I asked for the wrong thing, I waited for an opportunity to drag an unsuspecting person along with me.

When my mom came to town for a visit, I suggested we eat at the new café.  The plan was to send her in alone while I pretend to search for parking so that she could do the recon for me. Brilliant, right?

Unfortunately, I have this nagging compulsion to tell the truth and confessed my uncertainty about this place to my mom as she was getting out of the car.

After a long, silent, squinty-eyed stare down I begrudgingly followed her into the café.

Once inside I saw a large staircase ahead and kitchen to the right, but no tables.  Nor was there a coffee counter.  WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

A man in a chef’s coat popped out from a dark corner of the home and asked if he could help us.

Uh, yeah. You can help me by telling me what I’m supposed to do! 

Thinking my mom would take charge of the situation; I stood off to the side looking around for some clue as to what was going on here.  Restaurant? Coffee shop?  Meth lab? What?!?

I got the feeling I was being watched and turned to see the chef and mom just staring at me waiting for an answer.  I saw the little twinkle in my mom’s eye and realized she had flipped the script on me.  Sneaky lady!

Having not prepped for what to say in this situation (not like that technique has spared me any awkwardness in the past– clearly!), I said the first thing that popped into my head: “Um… how does this work?”

Time slowed. The chef’s mouth dropped open.  His eyes closed and opened in what felt like the longest eye roll recorded in human history.  I locked eyes with a tall figure at the top of the stairs.  A waiter, perhaps?  He scurried off.  {Le sigh} I have that effect on men.

Chef: “Well… we, uh.  This is a French bistro.”

Me: {Looking at mom for help but she’s still on silent mode} “Ok.  Well, then. We’d like to eat here.”

Chef: “Fantastic.” {Makes no move seat us or provide us with menus}

Me: {Awkwardly standing there.  Your move, chef!}

Mom: “Do we sit down or order from you?”

Chef: “Normally, you would be seated and a waiter would come to your table, but we are currently closed.  We will reopen for dinner, in about 2 hours”

Me: “RIGHT! Of course. Of course you are.  Our apologies!  We’ll be back in about 2 hours then, yes?  No?  Yes. I think yes, right mom?  Ok, goodbye.” {Grab mom’s arm; run out of bistro}

Ps: We went back (during dinner hours!) two days later and had the absolute best meal of our lives.


3 Responses to “Je Suis Awkward”

  1. Ursula December 17, 2013 at 12:26 am #

    Bravo! I love it!!!!

    • awkwardcharm December 17, 2013 at 6:43 am #

      I’m glad you enjoyed my latest awkward incident 🙂

  2. saramo December 20, 2013 at 7:29 am #

    Well, if you don’t ask … you do not know … Right ? …. I’m glad to know that after all that … “moment” … you did enjoy their food 🙂

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