I Fought The Wall…

14 Aug

Half walls are the enemy of the vertically challenged.

They make you think that you can reach enough to step over them, because they are just innocent, little half walls.

Well, they’re not innocent!  I speak from experience…

In college my friend Allie and I would go to a neighboring food hall, attached to the most popular dormitory, every Sunday for brunch.

This was the one meal per week that we could enjoy without playing the “guess the mystery hair in my food” game.  Parents and grandparents attended the Magnificent Brunch. No one ever came dressed in pajamas.

It was an event.

To get to the Magnificent Brunch we had to cut through a parking lot and step over a half wall. Allie, being half a foot taller than me, could easily step over. I, on the other hand, had to go out of my way to walk up the handicap ramp.

Every Sunday, Allie taunted me, “Are you going to beat the wall or you going to let the wall beat you?”  Uh… I’m gonna let the wall beat me?

After 6 months of her relentless goading, I finally caved to the peer pressure.

“TODAY IS THE DAY I BEAT THE HALF WALL!!” {American flag flapping in the wind, fireworks, awesomeness}, I thought to myself

First, Allie stepped over the wall. Hm, looks easy enough?  I decided to give myself a running start.

My right leg made it over but the left leg never got the memo. It remained stick straight, catching on the edge of the half wall.

{Pfump}

Half Wall 2I fell flat on my face and directly in front of the dormitory entrance.

Allie ran away

People exiting the dormitory were stepping over me, pointing, laughing and mumbling something about “stupid freshmen”.

I lay on the floor, arm stretched out, calling out to Allie for help

Allie got in line and pretended not to know me.

I was so paralyzed with humiliation that the only part of my body that could move was my mouth, so I continued yelling out, “Allie! ALLIEEEEEEEEEEEE! You, in the pink shirt and jeans, HELP ME!”

Allie came over and allowed me to grab on to her hand, while looking away is if she didn’t want people to know she was actually helping me.

She then tried to run back in line, but I hobbled after her and held her arm for support. I had a vice-grip of shame; she wasn’t breaking loose. In the end she let me have her slice of cheesecake to make up for it.

I spent the rest of the brunch avoiding eye contact and trying to ignore the whispered snickers,

Is that the girl that ate it at the front door?” 

Yeah.  That was hilarious!”

“Why did she just lie there for so long?”

“I don’t know man. I don’t know”

I fought the wall and the wall won

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2 Responses to “I Fought The Wall…”

  1. saramo August 15, 2013 at 6:48 am #

    But you try, that counts for something 🙂

    • awkwardcharm August 15, 2013 at 3:11 pm #

      Yes! I’m excellent at trying. It’s the succeeding bit that gets me 😉

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