My Rum Shots Chase All the Boys from the Yard

8 Aug

My awkwardness around the opposite sex continues…

My friend, Donna, has recently returned from South America and suggested we meet up at one of her favorite Rum Bars.  Having not seen her in nearly a month, I was only too excited!

We sat at the bar sipping our rum cocktails which were presented in colorful Inca-like mugs and lined with 239 fruit wedges & umbrellas.

As we got caught up I couldn’t help but notice a small group of young guys at a nearby table who kept looking over at us.  Hm…?

About an hour later, they moved to the bar, 2 seats away from Donna, and the glances continued.  Hmmm….?

Me: {Attempt to drunk whisper, which really just means I’m loud whispering which really means I’m just talking in a breathy version of my normal speaking voice} “DONNA! {Shhh} The guy in the grey shirt keeps looking over at us.  I think he’s checking one of us out!”

Rum ShotsDonna: {skeptical} Really?

Me:  Yeah! {Catch Mr. Grey looking over again – aha!}

Donna: What should we do?

Me: Lets buy them all a shot in hopes that it’ll encourage them to make a move!

Donna: YOU? Buying a GUY a shot?

I inform our female bartender [who at this point in the evening looks like she wants to murder me for absolutely no reason] that I want to buy the three guys beside us a round of rum shots.

She gives me a look, but I give her an even more stern Spanish Mom look that says “Do what I say or suffer the consequences”.  The consequence being that you will be spanked with La Chancla, of course. 

She obligingly takes the shots over and makes her way back to us to report.

Bartender: Well that was AWKWARD!

Me: {Funny she should mention that…} Why?

Bartender: Normally you buy just the person you like a shot, not everyone in the group.  They have no idea who you like.

Me: Oh. Well… I mean.  I don’t know? I don’t usually do this sort of thing {cough}.  Why didn’t you say something sooner? Um, the guy in grey has been looking over a lot and he’s really cute, so lets go with him.

The Bartender lets out a sigh that tells me I’m in over my head and goes back over to the group of guys.  She’s there for what feels like an eternity, making pleading hand gestures and pointing toward me.

Bartender: {Holding two tequila shots – my least favorite – places them gingerly in front of me}

Me: And?

Bartender: {Refuses to look me in the eye}

Me: AND?

Bartender: Mr. Grey says… well… {sigh}.  He didn’t quite know what to do, so I told him that the least he could do is buy you girls a drink.  He didn’t really want to, so I convinced him to buy you a shot. 

Donna: Oh.  Well… that’s still nice.

Bartender: No, it gets worse.  {she braces herself} He told me to tell you that these drinks are on behalf of his wife. 

Me: {Attempt to slit wrist with jagged edge of pineapple in my rum drink}

Bartender: Sorry.

Me: But…{Donna takes her shot (and mine); pats me on the back}

Bartender: I’m guessing this isn’t the first time your awkwardness has gotten you into trouble? You’re probably used to this sort of thing?

She has no idea!

Ultimately, my town is not an awkward-friendly dating environment! If yours is, please let me know, as I would like to move there — now and right away.

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5 Responses to “My Rum Shots Chase All the Boys from the Yard”

  1. Kitt Crescendo August 8, 2013 at 6:19 pm #

    Florida is very awkward friendly….however, most awkwards don’t recognize it as they’re too close to the situation. It’s difficult to notice a place is awkward friendly when you’re too busy being embarrassed. 😉

    • awkwardcharm August 8, 2013 at 7:04 pm #

      I was born in Florida. That’s probably how I ended up this way…hm

      • Kitt Crescendo August 8, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

        See? Awkward accepted here…Strange accepted everywhere. 😉

  2. saramo August 8, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

    Well, first… if he was soooo married, why he keep looking your way ? …. anyway you have a drink from him 🙂

    • awkwardcharm August 8, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

      My thoughts exactly! Unfortunately I was the only one who saw him looking at us so no one believed it.

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