She A Gold Digger

27 Jun

I was sitting in my office, minding my own business when my left nostril began to itch.

I don’t mean it was a tingle. I mean it was one of those itches that make you feel like you’ll never be comfortable in your own skin ever again.

I couldn’t concentrate. I was pretty sure that if I didn’t take care of this itch soon I would go insane.

I tried pushing on the side of my nose. {Itch, itch, itch}

I tried blowing my nose. {Itch, itch, itch}

I tried pressing and rubbing the side of my left nostril. {Itch, itch, itch}

Ok… I’m an adult. I can handle this.  {Itch, itch, itch}

{GAH! No I can’t! No I can’t!}

::DISCLAIMER: I’m not proud of what happened next. Just know that::

There’s only one thing to do now. I would just quickly reach in, scratch it and this horrible nightmare can be over. 2 seconds, tops. It’s not like I’m picking my nose! It’s just some scratching. It’s ok.

The hottest guy I’ve seen at work in at least 6 months walked by as I was scratching away with what I can only imagine was a look of total and utter bliss on my face.

He stopped, looked right at me (finger still in nose because I was too shocked to move) and he walked away – backing up slowly.

I fail at life.  

I had to tell someone. I couldn’t keep this humiliation bottled up, so I called my coworker in and told her what had happened.

She thought I was referring to scratching just on the outside of my nose so that it could’ve been mistaken for being much worse than it really was.  I assured her that was not the case.

Not only was my finger up there, but I was scratching an itch so it looked like I was really diggin’ for gold.

She didn’t believe me (who would lie about something like that?) so I stuck my finger back up there to demonstrate what I had looked like – and the hot guy walks by again.

I saw his face clearly as he turned to look into my office. It was the look a man gets when he doesn’t want to look at the remains of a traffic accident, but he just can’t help himself.

He had to look.  He had to look just one more time.

Again peeking into my office.

AGAIN catching me with my finger up my nose.

Mother {BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP}!!! COME ON!!! This isn’t even fair!! My life is turning into a Seinfeld episode!

One time could be explained away.  Two times is confirmation.

As I was shamefully typing up this post, he walked by for a third time.  {Leave me alone! I’m not an animal!!}

Thankfully, I did not have my finger in my nose this time (or ever again).




5 Responses to “She A Gold Digger”

  1. Ursula June 27, 2013 at 4:27 pm #

    OMG!!!! I love it!

  2. I'm with her! June 28, 2013 at 8:35 am #

    If someone can’t relate to this post, then you aren’t living life. You know you’ve come full circle when your life start to reflect 90s sitcoms. “The Pick” was one of my favorite Seinfeld skits, and I wasn’t even an avid watcher. “Pick a winner!”

  3. meshabee August 15, 2013 at 9:50 pm #

    Hahah! OMG This was literally so completely hilarious! I could literally picture the whole story happening. I’ve read a couple of your posts and they are really good. I’m an awkward person too, so I can totally relate. Can’t wait to see what else is in store for you!

    • awkwardcharm August 16, 2013 at 6:45 am #

      I’m really glad you enjoy my blog! Us awkward types gotta stick together! 🙂


  1. My Awkward Week | Awkward Charm - August 26, 2013

    […] As I shamefully opened the bathroom door, the cute guy at work (yes, the one who witnessed me scratching my nose) walked in behind me.  Not only did I have to endure that moment, but I was also able to witness […]

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