Awkward Bouquet Toss

6 Feb

Weddings can turn the most rational and grounded of women into psychotic hexenbiest (nerdy Grimm reference) – especially single women! And I am no exception.

The worst part of every wedding has to be the constant barrage of questions about my singledom. Singlehood? Singleness? About why I’m single.
bouquet toss
For some reason this is a most baffling concept to every mom/aunt/grandmother type at a wedding. And they just can’t bare it, so when it’s time for the bouquet toss they shove me out onto the dance floor in hopes that I will catch the bouquet and *finally* get married.

This is also around the time that the cute guy I was flirting with makes himself scarce. {hmpf}

When one of my best friends got married a few years ago she assured me that I would be free to be as single as I pleased.

As it turns out, without a mom/aunt/grandmother type hovering over me I am apparently also free to get completely and utterly fall-down drunk at weddings.

It was now the end of the night and the dreaded bouquet toss was next. However, it no longer seemed so terrible.  In fact, I found myself really, really wanting to catch the bouquet. Like… REALLY! {war face}

Since I am {ehem} petite, I stood in front of the group of women and directly in front of my friend, Ann, who is easily a head taller. Normally, I would think “Come on! You don’t have a chance with your little arms.”, but not this day.  Not. This. Day.

I was drunk with determination – and tequila.

When my friend tossed the bouquet, Ann realized it was coming right to her. All she had to do was reach up her hand and it would fall right into her arms without barely any effort. Here it comes…

[I jumped 2 feet into the air and volleyball spiked the bouquet sending it skidding across the dance floor] Volleyball_Spike

In my drunken panic, I had assumed that the 10 other single women out there with me would be running after it, so I took off.  But when you are drunk, things like jumping and running don’t work out and I fell.  I wasn’t about to let a little thing like a bruised knee stop me! Like I said… I was determined!

So I did a panicked crawl/lunge and threw my tiny body on top of the bouquet like a footballer anticipating a tackle.  I then jumped up waving the bouquet victoriously in one hand.  {Gloating openly}

The entire room fell silent.

Everyone was frozen and staring at me wide-eyed and opened mouthed.  The bride looked terrified.  Even the photographer slowly lowered his camera; too frightened the flash would trigger my inner bouquet beast.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh {bleeeeeeeeep}. I guess no one was going to attempt to take that bouquet away from me after that. Haha. Ha. Heh. Um…

I just smiled, hugged the bride and walked calmly back to my seat – while hugging my bouquet.

As horribly awkward as that was, I couldn’t help but feel like I won – for once!

{holding up bouquet with it’s one flower pedal left}

I won.


5 Responses to “Awkward Bouquet Toss”

  1. Kitt Crescendo February 6, 2013 at 12:02 pm #

    Oh, the images! LOL! Thanks for sharing!

    • awkwardcharm February 6, 2013 at 12:04 pm #

      The bride was upset the photographer didn’t take any pics. Lol

      • Kitt Crescendo February 6, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

        I think the photographer was probably just happy to be alive. 😀

      • awkwardcharm February 6, 2013 at 12:48 pm #

        And also yes…

  2. K8 February 6, 2013 at 1:02 pm #

    Yes, my biggest regret was that no one was video tapping that! I also can’t believe there isn’t one photo of this happening but don’t worry I think it has be ingrained in everyone’s memory who witnessed it 🙂 It was quite the feat!

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