Awkward Plumber to the Rescue

20 Jan

My coworkers, Matt and Redd, and I decided to have lunch in the empty conference room for a fancy sort of Friday lunch. Once in the conference room I sat down to start in on my sandwich. Matt and Redd went into the kitchen for water, but apparently the water cooler was broken. Matt got water from the sink.

Redd had the idea of trying to get water from out of the old coffee machine connection that consisted of a single copper pipe that protruded from the wall which had not been touched in the 9 years I’ve worked there.

Just as I was about to tell them not to touch it, because I doubted that water was potable, I saw a stream of water fly into the air and Matt lunge forward to cover it.  My brain hadn’t quite registered what I had just seen so I continued chewing my food.

The actual pipe. Don't let the small hole fool you.

The actual pipe. Don’t let the small hole fool you.

After about 10 seconds I realized what had happened and rushed over to help.  Redd ran to call the maintenance people and I was mopping up spilled water and placing cups under Matt’s hand to catch whatever dripped down.  He was able to cover the hole in the plastic valve that had snapped.

As we stood there laughing and wondering how long it would take maintenance to come up and fix the broken valve, a look of panic came over Matt’s face.

“The pressure…it’s getting stronger”, he yelled. But before he could finish the sentence the water began squirting through his hands.

No amount of towels could stop it, and I was worried the water would squirt into the electrical socket just 2 inches away from the pipe {who puts an electric socket next to a pipe?} so I cupped my hands over his as a secondary layer, but then he took his hands away!

What the… GET BACK HERE!

When I say the water pressure got stronger, I mean it was like something out of a fire hose. And now I, the smallest and weakest person in my office, was in charge of holding this ice-cold gush of water back.

I was failing miserably.

As I stood there for 15 minutes with a steady stream of water pelting me in the face,  I screamed for help.  Matt tried to find the source of the water to shut it off.  Redd had gone for help, but all that did was bring in more useless spectators.

Redd was extremely concerned my watch would get wet – TOO LATE!

This is kind of what I looked like

This is kind of what I looked like

My hands were so cold they burned and I wasn’t sure I was even holding the pipe anymore.  Water was everywhere and when I looked down I realized the only thing I was doing was soaking up water. It was like trying to plug up Niagara Falls.  So I let go.

Water shot up to the ceiling with such force that it looked like it was raining inside the conference room.  The carpet was soaked within 2 seconds.

That’s when the maintenance guy finally appeared – without any tools!  He saw me first and gave me a questioning look, so I pointed in the direction of the pipe.

“OH SHIT!” He screamed, and ran to turn off the water.  There was a pool of water soaking into the carpet, every piece of electronic was wet and our leather chairs looked like they had been in a hurricane.  I confess I didn’t look much better. I took my sandwich and left before anyone could rope me into cleaning up this mess.  I went directly to my Boss’ office.

Me: {looking like a drowned rat} “Redd and Matt broke a pipe. I tried to stop the water. I failed. I’m going home.”

Female Coworker: Oh no! You’re hair looked so good today since you had straightened it. Now it’s curling again – ewy

Me: {DIE}

Boss: {resisting urge to laugh} You’re going home and then coming back, right?

Me: {drip, drip} NO. I’m going home and staying there.

Male Coworker: Well if I have a plumbing problem I know not to call you {chuckle}. Why did you of all people think you could fix a broken pipe?

Me: I DIDN’T! I just wanted to help but then everyone abandoned me.

Boss: {more uncontrollable laughter} Ok, ok. Go home. But on a serious note, there is something I need to counsel you about.

Me: {sigh – now what?}

Boss: There is a strict policy against wet T-shirt contests in the work place. Don’t let it happen again

Me: {looks down, realizes shirt is plastered to body. Commence entire body blush}

Boss: {laughing} Now go home before you catch a cold!

After I went home and changed into warm sweats and made some tea, I called my mom to tell her how my day went.  After she stopped laughing, she asked, “how do you always get into these situations?” But mom, I whined, it wasn’t my fault! I just tried to help and in the end I looked like the guilty party! “Yes” my mom answered “but whenever crazy things happen you seem to be in the middle of them. It’s like you attract these things to you.”  Well…she’s got me there.


3 Responses to “Awkward Plumber to the Rescue”

  1. saramo January 20, 2013 at 11:35 am #

    I would let it go muuuuuuch sooner ! ….. LOL 🙂

  2. Ursula January 20, 2013 at 3:19 pm #

    I’m not gonna lie, your boss was looking at your boobs! He should have given you a promotion!

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