A Date Gone Awkward

12 Jan

At the request of my friend who is at home sick with the plague and would very much like to see one of her favorite stories immortalized in a blog, let me tell you about a date gone awkward. Only this time, it was not my fault! I swear!

I was on a blind-ish date.  A friend had shown me a picture of the guy and he was cute: dark eyes, dark hair – yes please! So I agreed to the date.  How bad could he be? Really?

I had suggested we meet for dinner at a Lebanese restaurant.  He was even cuter then in his picture! I didn’t want to blow my chances so I decided to keep quiet lest something humiliating come tumbling out of my mouth.

Me: So…tell me about yourself

Date: I was in a terrible accident years ago. My recovery was slow and I ended up gaining 100lbs, but have since lost the weight and have dedicated my life to staying healthy.

Me: Wow. {I probably shouldn’t tell him I eat candy bars for breakfast} That’s…I’m glad you made a full recovery! What’s your secret to staying in such great shape?

180px-ColonicUseDate: Colonics

Me: {Does that mean what I th -} Poop?

Date: What?

Me: Yeah, what?

Date: I get colonics regularly. The lower intestine is the sewage system of the body, you know. If you truly want to get healthy, and I believe you should, then I recommend a monthly colonic.

Me: {I think he just insulted me} I’m set.

Date: No you’re not. Look at your color! You could definitely benefit from a colonic. I have an appointment next week. We should go together.

Given that he spent the first half of the date telling me I look like I was in desperate need of an enema, I didn’t think the date was going well. But I’m a trooper and was going to see this date through to the end – which included dessert.  He’s paying, after all!

photo-20Me: Mmmm, I love halawet jibne.

Date: It’s a delicious dessert, but it’s terrible for the colon

Me: {eye roll} Well, that’s what colonics are for. Am I right? {mentally high-fiving myself}

Date: No

Me: Oh. {about to take a bite of dessert}

Date: {leans in, staring at me}

Me: Um…{holding dessert up to my mouth} aren’t you going to have any? There is more then enough for the both of us.

Date: No thanks {leans in further}. To me there is nothing sexier than watching beautiful women eat phallic shaped food

Me: {Mouth open, slowly drop dessert onto plate in disgust.} I’m not hungry.

Date: But…?

Me: CHECK!

This was a case of reverse awkwardness in which he made me feel uncomfortable without any of the added benefit of charm.  And to think I almost subjected myself to a colonic {shiver}.

 

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7 Responses to “A Date Gone Awkward”

  1. saramo January 12, 2013 at 12:29 pm #

    BOY! …. I will have diarrea just to hear him talk !

  2. awkwardcharm January 12, 2013 at 6:53 pm #

    I know I was experiencing some nausea hearing him talk.

  3. Ursula January 12, 2013 at 10:09 pm #

    The picture is priceless! I just re-read all your posts and I laughed so hard I cried! Who would ever get a colonic? Plus, if a person really “loved” a colonic why would they actually admit it, much less on a first date? Wouldn’t you at least hide that until marriage? “Oh by the way honey – I just love me a colonic!”

    • awkwardcharm January 12, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

      I know!!! I kept thinking “stop talking. Please?” Haha. And if it was up to him the second date would’ve been a colonic!!

      So glad the stories make you laugh 🙂

  4. Pet Sitter Diaries - Pacific Tales January 14, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

    Aloha,

    Can’t remember if I told you how cute I think “Winning Hearts and Minds with Awkwardness” is. I am in 100% agreement with you. Any kind of scatological conversing should either be avoided or maybe saved for some fetish event.

    Many of us and based on your blog, I assume you too, have trouble even urinating in front of good girl friends. We could never even handle a trained professional being in the room with us if we had a colonic let alone entertain the thought of having a meet and greet based around our getting colonics.

    He’s definitely full of shit!!

    • awkwardcharm January 14, 2013 at 7:24 pm #

      Oh my gosh! Thank you! So kind!!

      As for the date, I didn’t know whether to be more shocked by what he was saying or by the fact that I was the least awkward person in the situation

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Reverse Awkwardness: Mom Edition | Awkward Charm - April 2, 2013

    […] blogged before about an instance of reverse awkwardness when on a date with a guy who insisted I get a colonic. But you can almost see that one coming because there is […]

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