Stairway to Awkward

5 Jan

I had graduated college and was living in a new city.  I didn’t know anyone outside of my roommates and was eager to make new friends so when my coworker, Jeff, invited me to a night out with his friends I was only too happy to accept.

We ended up in a very posh part of town. I got out of my car and saw all the women in their designer clothes; dripping in jewels {looks down at hand-me-down jeans and watch from Target}.  I was out of my element. 

My discomfort grew after I met Jeff’s friends. They were all nice enough, but no one really spoke to me. Nor did I have anything to contribute to conversations that revolved around country club memberships and how best to marry a rich man (I should’ve paid better attention to that last bit!).

It felt like something out of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Except I didn’t have a Mr. Darcy to rescue me – I had a Jeff. And he was preoccupied with a blond trust fund baby.

My only solution was to drink my awkwardness away.  Shots you say? Why yes, I’ll have another! And another! Next round is on me, boys! Did I mention I have a low tolerance for alcohol?

{Fast forward to 2 am}

Jeff and his friends wanted to continue drinking at someone’s apartment up the street. I happily stumbled my way over with the rest of the party. There was just one problem with the new location: Stairs.  Lots of them.  I managed my way up one flight and then I couldn’t do it anymore.

Me: I don’t want to… >hiccup<  I don’t want to go up anymore stairs. {sits on floor}Long-staircase-700673

Jeff: You can do it! {slapping knee like he’s calling a dog} Come on! Come ‘ere, girl

Me: No, Jeff! {swatting him away} I like it here {lays down in stairwell}.

Jeff: What are you doing? {laughing} Oh my god, you’re so weird. Get up!

Me: You go on without me {gently patting the tiled floor}. I love you, Floor {closes eyes}

Jeff: {Throws me over his shoulder and carries me up the remaining 3 flights of stairs}

Me: I’ll never forget you, Floor! {wave} >hiccup< {giggle}

My last memory was of Jeff plopping me down onto a chair where I immediately fell asleep.  I woke up at 5 am with my limbs dangling in every direction off the chair, my mouth wide open and drool on my chin. Sexy

All the other partygoers were also passed out around the room. I looked around and saw Jeff, now shirtless (why?), asleep on the couch.  What happened last night?! {jumps off the chair} Damn it, my head! 

I was mortified by what I must’ve acted like the night before. I didn’t want to face anyone, especially not co-worker Jeff, so I tip-toed over all the snoring bodies and left.

Later that morning, Jeff had texted me in a panic to ask where I had gone and if I was ok.  I told him that I was fine and had left around 6 am because I had a lot to do that day (like vomit in the privacy of my own home).

Surprisingly, my behavior that night did not deter Jeff from inviting me to more parties. He did, however, make sure we never went anywhere with stairs again.  Understandable.

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4 Responses to “Stairway to Awkward”

  1. Anna Stamolis January 5, 2013 at 9:30 am #

    that was a great story!!

    • awkwardcharm January 6, 2013 at 6:14 pm #

      I’m so glad you liked it! Thank you 🙂

  2. rpetreccia January 7, 2013 at 4:54 pm #

    I can see you hugging that floor. Your a riot!!! 🙂

    • awkwardcharm January 7, 2013 at 7:01 pm #

      I wasn’t hugging the floor. That would be silly!! hahahaha….I was, um, petting it. {good floor} 🙂

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