Cementing A Relationship

22 Dec

Cruise Ship Docked at Ocho Rios

I had been dating my then boyfriend for about 2 months when my            sister and brother-in-law invited us on a weeklong Caribbean cruise.   The boyfriend and I couldn’t say “yes” fast enough.

To outsiders, our relationship seemed to be going at warp speed. But I had not yet taken that one very crucial step to cementing any relationship – pooping at his place.  But now we were about to be thrown into a tiny room for 7 days of 24-hour togetherness.  What could possibly go wrong?

It was now day 5 of our cruise and I had not yet gone. I was so bloated that a fellow passenger actually congratulated us on our soon to be bundle of joy. Right! Something had to be done about this poop baby.

I bought “fast acting” laxatives.  After 4 hours, nothing happened! Would this nightmare never end?? We were queued for excursion tickets to swim with dolphins when it happened.  I felt a twist in my gut and then Armageddon broke out in my lower intestine.

I turned to boyfriend, yelled “it’s happening!” and took off running for the room as fast as my little legs would take me. I made it into the room and opened the bathroom door with only seconds to spare when the boyfriend jumped out!

Boyfriend: BOO!!!!

screaming-womanMe: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! {fart}

Boyfriend: {hysterical laughter; blocking entrance to bathroom} Man! I didn’t know you could run so fast!

Me: {gripping stomach, break out in cold sweat}

Boyfriend: {continues blocking entrance to bathroom} I was running up the opposite hall and didn’t think I could make it ahead of you in time. You really didn’t see me?

Me: {clenching butt cheeks} GET. OUT!

Boyfriend: Oh, quit making everything such a big deal. I’ll just turn on the TV. {smugly flops onto bed just inches from the bathroom door}

I was in no state to argue. I shakily closed the bathroom door and began to make sounds that I can only describe as something out of an Alien vs. Predator fight scene.  A few minutes later I hear a knock at the bathroom door:


{Alien vs. Predator sounds}

“I – I think I’m gonna give you some privacy, after all. Maybe go down to the casino for a bit?  I lov—“

{more Alien vs. Predator sounds}

“Yeah… just… ok”

The moral of the story?  Don’t take laxatives when trapped on a cruise ship and in a new relationship, because some things are awkward enough without adding to them.  As for me, some good did come out of all this.  He stopped pulling pranks on me for the remainder of the relationship (and possibly in all future relationships?)


8 Responses to “Cementing A Relationship”

  1. saramo December 22, 2012 at 8:39 am #

    They have to love you with the god and bad 🙂 …. He was not ready, for the expltion or the commiting of love for ever 🙂

    • awkwardcharm December 22, 2012 at 8:41 am #

      Haha, no. His love had conditions 🙂

  2. melissa December 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

    you should send him a snow globe with a toliet in it for christmas this year

  3. Ursula January 3, 2013 at 12:26 pm #

    I LOVE the pictures – HILARIOUS!!!!


  1. My Awkward Week | Awkward Charm - August 26, 2013

    […] it was directly across from my office.  I’ll spare you the details but it was something like the cruise incident.  As I shamefully opened the bathroom door, the cute guy at work (yes, the one who witnessed me […]

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    […] not everyone is so comfortable with the topic as to purposely give themselves diarrhea whilst vacationing with their boyfriend {ehem}.  But you can’t be so uptight about these things […]

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    […] had decided to go away on our first trip together. However, I did not want to have a repeat of the cruise incident in which I had given myself laxative-induced diarrhea with my then boyfriend sitting a foot from […]

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